April 2012
6 posts
The feeling of dread.
Dread that fills me every waking day. Good morning dread.
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I am such a shit person.
I found out today OVER FACEBOOK that my best friends sister has breast cancer. First I heard of it.
Then I realise I have neglected everyone. I have barely spoken to the people who are supposed to be my best friends. My only friends.
And its not just people from home, its old friends, old pao friends, aquaintances, new friends. I just don’t know how to socialise anymore. I claim its...
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Im Back
Basically…
I interned with a fashion label for LFW.
After they offered me a job. I went to New York I came back and started work.
Now I have no life. I got better food wise for a bit.
Maybe to do with needing food when i lost a lot of blood from being on my period for 2 months (stupid arm implant contraception)
Now I hate myself, and I gained like 10lbs.
I will lose the 10lbs.
I will...
bistrofada asked: are you there?
January 2012
7 posts
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really want to get one of the carmine boxes →
idreamofjeannieus:
basically its £10 a month plus p+p and they send you 5 samples of beauty products. Its like a Glossy Box or Boudoir Prive box but I prefer the high end brands with this one.
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Relapse / Kate Thornton: Anorexia - My Secret Past
I watched this documentary on channel 5 yesterday and its really fucked with my head. I was doing so well with recovery and watching this has pushed me 2 steps backwards. It is all about and promoting recovery but for some reason for me its done the opposite; caused relapse. I went to bed last night crying my eyes out feeling anxious about have to eat the next day at lunch with my friend. Then I...
Ive been away for a while
I guess I just didn’t need this, I’ve been feeling better recently. Things were good with Phil and I was seeing him every week. I got offered London Fashion Week placements. I had a good Christmas with my family. My eating has been better. But today I just feel really depressed. I feel fat. Ugly. I feel like a failure. I haven’t achieved anything and its too late to start. I...
December 2011
8 posts
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Apparently Dakota Fanning aged 17 advertising 'Oh...
Yet when Karlie Kloss then aged 16 did the original Lola ads that was fine?
Sorry for the lack of posting
Ive either been busy or depressed beyond belief. Also I have taken up knitting and reading more so those are consuming my time. I will probably be back at sometime after xmas though. Just thought I’d let you know I’m alive. Much love. xxxx
Not replying to that stupid text message
What message
you don’t exist to me anymore.
Back on the Prozac
pountless
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Impulsive trip to New York
Yes thats right. Today I got up washed my hair, went to the bank did some christmas shopping, came home and decided I would go to New York. As you do… So I found return flights to JFK for £398 and a nice hostel for 10 nights for £116. And when I say nice, I mean nice. Its in Brighton Beach, right by the beach and is decorated in a very “British Brighton” style. Its boutiquey with...
Still too fat to get the grey pair on
Who makes these stupid sizes anyway I mean size 10 is baggy size 8 either won’t go on or are uncomfortably tight. At least I have something to work towards now I guess.
Got in to my old uk size 8 jeans
After much struggle of course but the point is I got them on and done up!
got the new iphone its just ab fab
November 2011
135 posts
Just had a massive argument. We are not friends...
Not my loss.
Fucking bitch.
What a dirty skank whore
My housemate sent me an abusive text message about how the sky bill has been taken out and I havent put the money in. She was all like its not fair you have to pay your way moan moan bitch moan. WOAH THERE!
1. This is the first time its happened. 2. You owe me £120 and the other girl owes me £20 then he owes me £10 and I have been so relaxed about that so take that in to consideration you cunt....
I have decided I'm interrupting uni for the rest...
Its too much
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Wow Just seen Snejana's soft Porn pics.
idreamofjeannieus:
Slow on the uptake I know. The fact she did it isn’t the problem for me. Its her now obvious eating disorder. She used to be an averagely sized girl. Look at her now.
Link to images… http://www.bryanboy.com/bryanboy_le_superstar_fab/2007/04/snejana_onopka_.html
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Uneasy
Got a text from one of my housemates asking me when im coming back. Wish I could of replied “NEVER I HATE IT GO AWAY LEAVE ME ALONE” Unfortunately I couldn’t do that. And my dad is still nagging me to look at my work, section what I have to do then estimate how long each bit will take then coming up with a sub total of time it will take me. Then I can plan how much I have to do...
At the risk of sounding like a major hipster...
I hate it when music you have listened to for years without anybody ever having heard of it becomes SUPER SUPER mainstream. e.g. LMFAO Its fucking everywhere, on all adverts, in pubs, clubs, shops, radio. Grr. Yes, I love triagles.
Omg my dad is so annoying. All he does is nag at...
He has no concept of emotion or how Im feeling. He is so robotic to him every thing is systematic and everything should be a process so he keeps nagging me to break everything down and organise a process.
NORMAL PEOPLE DON’T WORK LIKE THAT UNLIKE YOU I DON’T RUN OFF A COMPUTER CHIP. I HAVE A HEART.
Did you know that you can bite off your finger as...
harleycrystal asked: Hey I've set up a page where people can donate... but you can also donate by text... I was wondering if you'd post this, I really hope to raise enough money for the charity. My target is £250 then i will shave all my hair off and the money goes straight to hafal a mental health charity... I'm blabbing now! Sorry! But yeah if you'd like to donate even £1 just text...
Can my brother please get out of the fucking...
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I should be doing work but I can't
My brain is too full of me being fat, eating too much, how I just purged, how I need to exercise or atleast be really figity (which I am being), that I need to be better, how can I be better? and I just can’t sit still and work.
I don’t care that its on my list for today. Fuck the list. This is more important.
How fucked up is that? My ED is more important than uni.
Maybe I should...
Want a starbucks xmas coffee so badly
But no. Too many cals
Sticking to my skinny sugar free vanilla latte.
Bah humbug.
ED ruining christmas every year.
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Oh fuck
My dad wants to take me for brunch in notting hill tomorrow WHY DOES FOOD HAVE TO BE INVOLVED?
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I keep purging nearly every meal recently
Its not even binging, I just eat like normal then I purge it. I don’t know why its changed. I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing. I guess now im purging 3 times a day on average its getting worse, but am I getting any thinner? Need to buy a new battery for the scales tomorrow.
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DSM 5 suggests changing EDNOS to FECNEC
Feeding and Eating Conditions Not Elsewhere Classified Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. What do you suffer from? FECNEC
girl-thinterrupted-deactivated2 asked: If you feel that's for the best :) Would you be able to come back next year? I heard the fees are the same if you go to the same place, so you wouldn't have to pay more even though the fees are going up. So health over money is DEFINITELY the most important thing here (not that it's not anyway!) :) Here if you want to talk <3
Im going to have to go and watch a movie and paint...
And my mum still isn’t answering her phone. I knew I would need her this weekend. Why did she have to go away.
girl-thinterrupted-deactivated2 asked: My advice is to speak to him love. Don't suffer because you're worried of what he might think of you. I don't think he would tell anyone else at all: especially not if you ask him not to. And tell him your worries about him treating you differently. He'll understand I'm sure. :( I know it's frightening but it's definitely the lesser of two evils. <3
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And now my mum won't answer her phone.
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My course leader is a bitch cunt skank face
I got the letter with my new deadlines in it. Shes only given me an extra week. I clearly wrote on the form I have lost 3 weeks and that the condition is on going. But I get a week. And you why? Because she wants me to interrupt and come back next year. She knows I can’t get the work done in that time so I will have to interrupt. She thinks if I get extensions on the units my next unit will...
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the guardian : victim of cannibal agreed to be... →
He was german and a computer expert. And the victim responded to an online ad Anybody else thinking of The IT Crowd?
unfinished business: Just got out the Thinspo book... →
lilpiggyhadnone:
It was all so long ago, then I realise how long things have been this way and I feel hopeless. I’ve met women who have suffered for decades, and I am ever so afraid I am going to be one of them.
I also wish I hadn’t got it out because its ever so triggering. Its full of magazine cut outs, models that I can now identify as my idols, along with pictures of celebrities, the...
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Just got out the Thinspo book I made when I was 15
It was all so long ago, then I realise how long things have been this way and I feel hopeless. I’ve met women who have suffered for decades, and I am ever so afraid I am going to be one of them.
I also wish I hadn’t got it out because its ever so triggering. Its full of magazine cut outs, models that I can now identify as my idols, along with pictures of celebrities, the classic Mary...