Obviously Doctor

The feeling of dread.

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 08:31:27 +0100

Dread that fills me every waking day.
Good morning dread.

pleaselookaftermyghost: the-srinimatographer: canisayimgay: ib...

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 18:25:16 +0100

the-srinimatographer:

canisayimgay:

ibleachednirvana:

facethewaste:

municipal-cake:

admiralwhammybar:

spaceballs-the-url:

notesfromthesouth:

Cheaper by The Dozen. Well at least I’ll know that my sperm work pretty well…

Greatest Game Ever Played.

yes, please?

21 Jump Street…not bad.

Spork. So I guess I’m a 14 year old girl?

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
Hell yeah.

The Matrix

OH DEAR GOD

WHAT PILL SHOULD I GET WHAT

hercules, i’d like to say my life’s good

The Prestige.

Hmm, I’m a fucking magician, but I’ll probably die.

So I guess I’m fucked.

Jurassic Park.
Welp.

The Hunger Games, although as long as I get to be with Peeta things are not looking so bad.

Photo

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 18:15:47 +0100

I am such a shit person.

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 17:41:29 +0100

I found out today OVER FACEBOOK that my best friends sister has breast cancer.
First I heard of it.

Then I realise I have neglected everyone.
I have barely spoken to the people who are supposed to be my best friends.
My only friends.

And its not just people from home, its old friends, old pao friends, aquaintances, new friends.
I just don’t know how to socialise anymore.

I claim its because I have been so busy, but when I am honest with myself I find that I never really wanted to make the effort.
I am so shit. I am the most pathetic excuse for a friend ever.
I am selfish and horrible.
That is all.

And if you are one of those I have ignored I am so very sorry.

Im Back

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 01:01:00 +0100

Basically…

I interned with a fashion label for LFW.

After they offered me a job.

I went to New York

I came back and started work.

Now I have no life.

I got better food wise for a bit.

Maybe to do with needing food when i lost a lot of blood from being on my period for 2 months (stupid arm implant contraception)

Now I hate myself, and I gained like 10lbs.

I will lose the 10lbs.

I will not eat.

I am feeling depressed again.

My mum has had bad headaches for a month and has been sent for an MRI.

I am thinking the worst.

She upgraded to private medical insurance for the family.

Maybe now I can get treatment if things get bad again.

I am moving house in like 2 months.

I am still with my clueless boyfriend.

I am obsessed with The Hunger Games.

I dyed my hair blonde with lilac ends today.

I hope you liked my summary.
I will try and be back.

are you there?

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 00:54:33 +0100

i am now.

really want to get one of the carmine boxes

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 18:51:16 +0000

really want to get one of the carmine boxes:

idreamofjeannieus:

basically its £10 a month plus p+p and they send you 5 samples of beauty products.
Its like a Glossy Box or Boudoir Prive box but I prefer the high end brands with this one.

Photo

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:36:39 +0000

Photo

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:31:54 +0000

Photo

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:30:24 +0000

Relapse / Kate Thornton: Anorexia - My Secret Past

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:28:10 +0000

I watched this documentary on channel 5 yesterday and its really fucked with my head.
I was doing so well with recovery and watching this has pushed me 2 steps backwards.
It is all about and promoting recovery but for some reason for me its done the opposite; caused relapse.

I went to bed last night crying my eyes out feeling anxious about have to eat the next day at lunch with my friend. Then I was planning how much weight I can lose before LFW.

I nearly burst in to tears at group this morning. I really didn’t want to be there.
They are trying to help me and all I want to do now is run away and hide behind my eating disorder. I can do these little eating tasks they are making us set ourselves.
I want to be thinner. Better.
All I can see is this whale who is losing her self control.
I eat take away with my family sometimes now.
How horrific is that.
No more.

NO NO NO NO NO TO FOOD.
Yes to thin.

I don’t want to fight anymore.

pleaselookaftermyghost: oh goodness so accurate, i wish...

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 18:16:29 +0000

pleaselookaftermyghost:

oh goodness so accurate, i wish professionalism allowed this.

Ive been away for a while

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 18:10:20 +0000

I guess I just didn’t need this, I’ve been feeling better recently.
Things were good with Phil and I was seeing him every week.
I got offered London Fashion Week placements.
I had a good Christmas with my family.
My eating has been better.

But today I just feel really depressed.
I feel fat.
Ugly.
I feel like a failure.
I haven’t achieved anything and its too late to start.
I can’t stick to anything.
I have no will power.
I’m just a pathetic waste of life.

Apparently Dakota Fanning aged 17 advertising 'Oh Lola!' is sexualising children...

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 23:53:31 +0000

Yet when Karlie Kloss then aged 16 did the original Lola ads that was fine?

Sorry for the lack of posting

Sun, 18 Dec 2011 10:23:57 +0000

Ive either been busy or depressed beyond belief.
Also I have taken up knitting and reading more so those are consuming my time.
I will probably be back at sometime after xmas though.
Just thought I’d let you know I’m alive.
Much love. xxxx

Not replying to that stupid text message

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 22:55:11 +0000

What message
you don’t exist to me anymore.

Back on the Prozac

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 14:05:52 +0000

pountless

Impulsive trip to New York

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 23:31:00 +0000

Yes thats right. Today I got up washed my hair, went to the bank did some christmas shopping, came home and decided I would go to New York.
As you do…

So I found return flights to JFK for £398 and a nice hostel for 10 nights for £116.
And when I say nice, I mean nice. Its in Brighton Beach, right by the beach and is decorated in a very “British Brighton” style. Its boutiquey with bright walls and flowers painted on the walls and its pretty cool.

I got this room booked which is for 2 girls to stay in so I know I will only have to share with 1 other person and it will be a girl. Hoorah! Free internet, bedding towels, tv, computer to use etc.
Nearest station is a block away then its 30 mins in to Manhattan.

Im so excited. Go on the 27th Feb to 8th March. 3 months away!!!

I already have an ESTA so thats not a problem all I need it travel insurance and to arrange a cab to pick me up from the airport which I can do nearer the time.

I feel so insane. I never do anything impulsive, not even call up a friend and say “What are you doing today? Want to go for coffee?”

I guess I just thought I want to go, I saved up the money for the Uni NYC trip which never happened so why not take myself?
Its 10 days, the hostel is nice, I think I could hack it. Its not like im going proper traveling, but atleast I am seeing something.

I feel really good about this.

Still too fat to get the grey pair on

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 11:52:40 +0000

Who makes these stupid sizes anyway I mean size 10 is baggy size 8 either won’t go on or are uncomfortably tight. At least I have something to work towards now I guess.

Got in to my old uk size 8 jeans

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 11:37:59 +0000

After much struggle of course but the point is I got them on and done up!